All Along
by Angelic Guardian
Summary: After Jess' surprise Secret Santa celebration, she and Nick share an intimate moment, putting into question their feelings for each other as well as their current relationships. Oneshot.


**Author's Note:** "Why is nothing I do ever good enough for you?" That line from Nick in Christmas Eve Eve really stood out to me, so much so that it gave me a spark of much-needed inspiration. Hope you enjoy this fic I wrote as a result. Merry Christmas Eve Eve! :)

 **Disclaimer:** New Girl © Elizabeth Meriwether

* * *

The magic of Jess' surprise Christmas present left the residents of the loft aglow with warmth and joy and love, everything the holiday should be. All the dancing and celebrating and laughing successfully put Jess in a glitzy-eyed, fuzzy-feeling stupor. It truly was a Christmas Eve Eve to be remembered for the rest of time.

Well past midnight now, each of the couples—Schmidt and Cece, Nick and Reagan, Winston and Furguson—had retired to their respective bedrooms, while Jess padded her way through the kitchen, a lightness to her footsteps. It was dark in the loft, the small fluorescent light above the kitchen sink casting a modest glow at best.

Having finished rinsing out her new hamster's plastic water bottle, Jess shut off the faucet and reached for a paper towel. As she turned, she bumped into something solid and immediately jolted back with a gasp. She blinked a few times, startled, only for her breath to leave her in a soft exhale.

"Hi, Nick."

"Hey," he said. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I was just gonna grab Reagan some water."

"Ah, what a coincidence," Jess said, holding up the bottle. "I'm getting water for Miles."

"Miles?"

"The hamster," Jess said. "I decided to name him Miles. Miles Scamperton."

Nick exhaled in amusement. "Perfect name."

"I thought so, too," Jess said.

Even in the near darkness, she could clearly make out the smile that spread across Nick's face. It lasted only a moment, and when it faded, a palpable silence took over. It was almost uncomfortable, as if there was something else, something far more important, still waiting to be addressed.

"Hey, listen," Nick said. "I really am sorry about our argument earlier. I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you."

Jess' heart skipped a beat. There it was. The very topic she'd been hoping to permanently avoid. The visceral fear came rushing back upon learning Nick had, in fact, been aware of her admittedly weird behavior this whole time. She knew if she acknowledged how weird she'd been acting lately, it would only make things that much weirder between them. It was hard enough trying to fight these feelings as it was. Worse, she couldn't act on her feelings even if she wanted to, as she couldn't do that to Robby, or Reagan, for that matter. It hurt too much to think about, which was why all she wanted was to be friends with Nick. For now, that was enough.

"Oh," she said, waving him off. "Forget it. Everything worked out, right? No hard feelings. Only soft."

A smaller grin found its way to Nick's lips, though he didn't say anything.

"Actually, I wanted to thank you," Jess said.

"For what?"

"My Secret Santa gift."

"Oh," Nick said. The disappointment behind his voice didn't go unnoticed. It was subtle, but it was there. "Yeah, like Schmidt said, Robby's the one who set the whole thing up."

"I know, but…Robby told me you called him and explained that I didn't have a Secret Santa present and that you wanted everyone to come together and do something special for me, and, well…just, thank you. It was really thoughtful."

For a brief, blistering moment, it grew so quiet Jess was able to hear Nick swallow.

"You're welcome," he said. "Robby honestly deserves all the credit, though. That guy pulled out all the stops for you. He did an incredible job."

"Yeah," Jess said, getting lost for a moment in joyous reflection. She hummed to herself. "I guess he must like me a lot, huh?"

"Of course he does," Nick said. "Hell, can't really blame the guy. You're amazing."

The way he said those words with such ease, such matter-of-fact bluntness, shot directly to Jess' heart, puncturing her with Cupid's arrow. A shiver raced down her spine, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in an exhilarating rush of affection. She squeezed the plastic bottle she'd forgotten she was holding. Her heart was pounding all of a sudden, to the point where she had to mentally remind herself to _breathe._

"Thanks," she heard herself say, all breath and not much else. "I should…bed."

"Oh, yeah, yeah," Nick said in haste. "Goodnight."

Jess nodded absentmindedly, unable to do much else what with her head swimming, though she managed to say, "Goodnight."

What happened next brought time to a colliding halt. It was as if something else took over, possessing her body, acting purely on instincts. Jess tilted her head up. Nick tilted his head down. She went to lift her arm and give him a hug, while she felt his hand graze her back. They leaned in towards each other at the same time. However, instead of an innocent embrace, their lips connected, and the entire world froze. Their lips didn't move, but fused together they stayed, for half a second too long.

The smack of their lips as they drew apart immediately shattered the spell. They stared at each other, awestruck. Jess' lips were on fire now, throbbing in the most electrifying way.

"What…the hell…did we just do?"

Nick's disjointed speech sent Jess' mind into hyperdrive. What the hell _did_ they just do? Better yet, what should she do now? Downplay the whole thing? Act like it didn't happen? Run away?

 _No,_ _I won't be squirrely. I refuse to be squirrely. I am not a squirrel. I'm Jessica damn Day, gosh darn it!_

"We kissed," she said.

Sadly, her words didn't alleviate Nick's panic in the slightest. In fact, they appeared to be having the opposite effect, as his eyes only grew wider, and he looked as if he were on the verge of hyperventilating.

"But it was an accident," Jess added in a rush. "I was going in for a hug."

"So was I," Nick said.

They were silent for a beat.

"It's also really dark in here," Jess said.

"It _is_ really dark in here," Nick said. "Damn inadequate lighting."

At that point, it became clear to her that he was all too eager to latch on to any number of excuses she was willing to throw out there. For some reason, the realization brought a sinking feeling to her chest.

"Okay, so…" Nick pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "I'm gonna head off to bed now."

"Hit the hay, playa," Jess said, a pained attempt to lighten the mood.

Nick gave her a nod, and with that, he turned away and left. Moments later, Jess heard his bedroom door shut, but she stayed right where she was. Her hand involuntarily reached up, fingers skimming her lips, which tingled beneath her touch.

 _Oh, boy_ …

* * *

Nick had pressed himself against his closed bedroom door, where he remained standing even when he locked eyes with Reagan. She sat on his bed, now dressed in a pair of dark red silk pajamas. Her face brightened upon seeing him, though her smile was quick to falter.

"No water?" she asked.

Nick looked down at his empty hands. "Oh, crap, I'm a terrible boyfriend. Seriously, I'm the absolute _worst."_

"Whoa, relax," Reagan said. "I know about the drought—"

"No, you don't understand, something just happened, and if I don't tell you, it becomes a secret, and secrets are poisonous to relationships. Secrets _kill_ relationships. On the other hand, if I _do_ tell you, it might sabotage our relationship altogether, so basically _I'm freaking out right now."_

"All I know is you're babbling like a crazy person, and I'm exhausted, so either spit it out or—"

"Jess and I just kissed."

Reagan blinked. Her arched brows sank low on her forehead as she tilted her head to the side. "You what?"

"It was not intentional, I need that to be crystal clear," Nick said. "We went to hug each other, and then somehow our lips touched, but it was only for a second. It didn't mean anything. But if you're gonna dump me over this, all I ask is that you please wait until after the holidays to do it. I can't drink myself into a coma right before Christmas. My mother will kill me."

He was breathing hard now, fueled by the adrenaline still lingering from his spontaneous kiss with his ex-girlfriend. Meanwhile, the look of confusion on his current girlfriend's face dissipated into one of mild humor as a smile graced her lips.

"Is that it?"

Now Nick blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you got all worked up and thought I was going to break up with you over one little accidental kiss?" Reagan said. "You said it yourself, it didn't mean anything. Right?"

Nick felt his shoulders drop. "Right."

"Then…" She shrugged. "No big deal. We're good. Let's go to bed."

As she pulled up the covers and reclined against the pillow, Nick found himself trying to figure out if he'd missed something from her rather underwhelming reaction to his seemingly big news. News that, as it turned out, didn't bother her in the slightest. She trusted him that it wasn't a big deal, and that was that.

"Wow," Nick said. "You're—"

"The coolest, the greatest, the best, I know," Reagan said. "I've got an early flight in the morning, so I'm going to sleep whether you join me or not. Goodnight, Nick."

She clicked off the lamp on his nightstand, leaving Nick to stand there in the pitch-black darkness. Finally, he stepped away from the door and joined his girlfriend in his bed. The moment he shut his eyes, though, Jess popped into his mind, and he pressed his thumb and index finger against his eyelids, rubbing them hard. Despite his efforts, he couldn't wipe away the image of Jess' surprised expression after they'd pulled back from their unexpected kiss.

 _Oh, boy_ …

* * *

The next morning, Schmidt stood in front of the Christmas tree, fully dressed in Santa attire.

"Ho, ho, ho. Where's my bosomy wife and all my precious little elves?" he said, and when no response came, he stomped his boot-clad foot. "Seriously, people? How is it that the resident Jew is ready to take a picture for our annual loft Christmas card before all you alleged church-goers?"

Finally, Cece emerged from his bedroom, adorning a long red dress to complement his Santa suit. The two grinned brightly at each other as she walked up to him and went in for a kiss.

"Lookin' good, Mr. Kringle," she said, twisting her finger around a curl in his synthetic white beard. "I can't wait to sit on your lap later."

"Your name is going directly on Santa's naughty list," Schmidt said, pulling her in for another quick kiss, still beaming. "You're ravishing. You put the real Mrs. Claus to shame. I bet she just sits on her fanny all day, knitting hideous sweaters."

Winston made his entrance next, clothed in a bright green elf costume, complete with a silly hat and long, pointy ears.

"Aw, yeah," he said, clapping his hands together. "I am rocking the hell out of this costume. I swear, if it were socially acceptable to dress like an elf, I'd wear this baby all year long. Can you imagine me shopping in the supermarket dressed like this, going up to an employee and being all, 'Excuse me, what aisle can I find breadcrumbs?'"

Schmidt sighed deeply. "Winston, you're my dear, sweet friend, but more often than not, the words that come out of your mouth physically hurt my soul."

"You're not very jolly for a guy dressed like Santa Claus," Winston said, only to pause, looking around. "Where are Nick and Jess?"

"Jess is here!" she said, jingling with each step she took as she walked out, wearing a homemade Christmas sweater filled with bells and twinkling lights. "You guys look so festive! All we're missing is our Rudolph."

"Yeah, yeah, the freak with the glowing red nose is here," Nick said as he walked in, clad in a brown sweater, antlers and a red nose. "Let's hurry up and take this picture before I stab myself in the eye with a candy cane."

Jess felt her heart jump as Nick approached, the fresh memory of what happened between them last night flashing through her head. She found herself tugging at the collar of her Christmas sweater, suddenly feeling like it was constricting her neck.

"Hey, Jess," Nick said.

A grin turned up the corners of her lips. He was talking to her. That was a good sign. She reached out and tapped his red nose. "Hey, Rudolph."

"Okay, you Christmas weirdos," Reagan said, entering the room with her rolling suitcase in tow. "I've got a cab on the way, so shut up and say 'cheese.'"

The five of them smiled widely for the camera, allowing Reagan to snap a few pictures.

"Rude, but effective," Winston said.

"More or less my mantra," Reagan said.

With the picture-taking complete, everyone was quick to disperse. Winston dashed off, while Schmidt and Cece headed back to their bedroom, grinning at each other like the lovesick newlyweds they were. As for Nick, he all too earnestly shed himself of the antlers and red nose. He'd barely finished removing the accessories when Reagan walked up, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a deep, heavy kiss.

Jess froze at the sight. It was so abrupt, she was not at all ready to witness it. Yet, there it was, happening right before her eyes, and while her brain wanted nothing more than to look away, her eyes stayed glued to the amorous display playing out before her. When Reagan finally broke away from Nick, her arms stayed entangled around his neck, while he held her by the waist, the two of them now grinning ear to ear. They were in their own little world, a cloud of happiness refusing to burst. Reagan's smile didn't waver at all, not even when she looked at Jess, as if just now realizing she was still standing there.

"Jess, thank you so much again for flying me out here to be with you guys," she said, and she looked back at Nick. "I'm glad I got to spend some time with my man right before the holidays."

"Aw, well, we're glad to have you here," Jess said.

"We are," Nick said. "I feel bad you have to head back so early for a pitch meeting, on Christmas Eve, no less."

"Believe me, no one's less thrilled about it than I am," Reagan said. "At least you and I will be together for New Year's Eve." She leaned in again, giving him a final, much shorter kiss. "I've gotta go. TSA's a bitch, am I right?"

"That you are," Jess said.

Nick waved goodbye to Reagan, and when she was gone, he looked at Jess, who forced a genial smile.

"So," she said, "Reagan's flying back out here for New Year's Eve? That's great."

A look of guilt struck Nick. "Actually…I'm gonna be flying out to Seattle to see her."

"Oh," Jess said. She hoped more than anything the disappointment that overcame her in that moment wasn't so painstakingly obvious in her voice. "That's so nice."

"We planned it about a month ago," Nick said. "I meant to tell you."

Jess shook her head, almost too emphatically. "Nick, please. It's fine. You should spend special occasions with her. She is your girlfriend, after all."

"You're right," Nick said. "She is. And, actually, that's why I told her last night about what happened between us."

Jess' eyes popped. "You told her. Wow. Good. That's definitely good. I'm glad. So, I'm assuming she was…okay with it?"

"Yeah, she understood that it didn't mean anything, so that was a huge relief."

On the outside, Jess nodded, but on the inside, a tightness was taking over, making her heart hurt. Why was this her natural reaction, this bitter, undeniable disappointment? Why did she still have to be secretly pining for her ex-boyfriend? Things should've been different by now. She couldn't keep feeling like this whenever she was around Nick. He had a girlfriend. She had a boyfriend.

 _Oh, crap. Robby._

That was another issue entirely.

* * *

Christmas came and went, and the week that followed flew by as well. Nick was busy with the bar, while Jess was busy preparing for a new school semester.

It wasn't until New Year's Eve arrived, and Nick departed for Seattle, that a sudden emptiness consumed Jess. She did her best to shove the feeling aside and focus all her attention on celebrating the New Year with her boyfriend. She'd invited him over to the loft, where the two of them, along with Schmidt and Cece and Winston and Aly, drank champagne and toasted with the happy couples. Robby kept his arm slung around Jess' shoulders, and she kept her head nuzzled against his big, warm chest. He smiled broadly at her every time they caught each other's eyes. Her smile wasn't quite as big in comparison.

When midnight came, there was plenty of cheering, blowing of party horns, popping of confetti poppers and, of course, kissing. Jess willingly accepted Robby's lips when he swept down and kissed her. She circled her arms around his neck and felt his hands on her waist. The kiss was warm and sweet and somehow comforting, and maybe it was from all the champagne she'd had, but she didn't bother to worry about whether she felt enough _oomph._ It wasn't until they broke away that she suddenly announced she needed to tinkle.

"First one of the New Year, hooray!" she said as she stalked off to the bathroom, where she took out her phone. She leaned against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall, putting her phone to her ear, waiting for it to ring, but the call failed to go through. She frowned, glancing at her phone, debating if she should try again, but in the end, she simply walked back out to join the others again.

Maybe the cell phone reception was bad in Seattle.

* * *

Nick frowned, slipping his phone back into his pocket. Maybe Jess' phone battery had died or something. He'd try calling her again in the morning to wish her a Happy New Year.

He headed out of the bathroom and joined Reagan once more, his arm mechanically slipping back around her waist.

* * *

The first week of January, Reagan moved into the loft. Her transition of settling in was surprisingly seamless, as her hectic work schedule made it impossible to cause such a dramatic shift in the daily life of the loft. She was cordial to Jess and vice versa, and she was more than willing to adhere to the updated loft rules—namely, no physical intimacy with Nick outside of his bedroom. Nick was thrilled to have her living with them again, and Jess was happy to see him so happy. She chalked up any occasional twinge to a passing moment of weakness. Besides, she had Robby, and things were going great between them.

"Two shots for my gals," Nick said, placing two shots of tequila in front of Jess and Reagan, the latter of whom narrowed her eyes, which, in turn, made Nick's eyes bulge. "Not that you're _both_ —that is, _you're_ my gal," he said as he gestured to Reagan. "And Jess _was_ my gal at one point in time, but that was a long time ago, and now she's my _ex-_ gal, but we're still great friends, as you, my current gal, already know, which, come to think of it, I don't know why I'm re-explaining to you—"

"Nick," Reagan said. "Stop talking."

He did, bowing his head as he picked up a rag to wipe down the bar. Jess looked from Reagan to Nick and back to Reagan.

"Wow," she said. "You've got him trained, girl. Nick, heel."

Nick snapped his head back up, brows furrowed. "What am I, a dog?"

"Knew that wouldn't work," Jess said.

"The trick is to catch him off guard and be firm," Reagan said.

"I'll keep that in mind," Jess said, raising her shot glass as Reagan did the same. The two clinked their glasses and downed their shots. "Whoo, that burns. Hey, barkeep, how 'bout another?"

"Fine, but this one's not on the house," Nick said. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't have any other customers."

"Really?" Reagan said. "I didn't notice that we're literally the only people in the bar until you pointed it out."

"See?" Nick said. "It's always slow in January what with so many people planning to stick to their New Year's resolutions of being healthier and cutting back on drinking. Of course, once February hits, all the drunks come stumbling back, but until then, nothing."

"Ooh," Jess said. "You know what you could do to drum up some business?"

"Karaoke night," Nick said.

Jess let her mouth hang open for a second, impressed. "How'd you know I was going to say that?"

Nick shrugged. "Just a hunch."

"It'd be so much fun," Jess said, and she brought a fist to her mouth, pantomiming singing into a microphone. She sang an opening verse and held out the invisible microphone to Nick, who swiped his hand over her fist, snatching the imaginary microphone away and stuffing it behind the bar. "Hey!"

"You can have it back when you're done drinking," Nick said.

"Now I know how every student has ever felt when I had to confiscate something from them," Jess said. She drummed her fingers against the bar. "Regardless, I still stand by my karaoke night suggestion."

"Fine, I'll do it," Nick said.

At that, Jess visibly brightened. "You will?"

"Yeah, couldn't hurt," Nick said. "If nothing else, it's bound to bring in droves of drunk college students home for winter break who are just dying to sing '90s pop songs."

"Cheers to that!" Jess said.

She picked up her re-filled shot glass and clinked it with Reagan, who plastered on a smile despite, in that moment, knowing a seed of doubt had been planted. It began to sprout that weekend, when a giddy Jess took the stage to sing karaoke with Robby. As they heartily belted out a song from _Grease_ , Reagan observed Nick, who didn't once take his eyes off the two of them the whole time they were up there.

* * *

"Ugh, I don't own enough come-hither clothing!"

Jess was in her bedroom, tearing through her closet in full-blown frustration. She'd pull out an article of clothing, hold it up against her body for a second or two, before ultimately chucking it over her shoulder and searching for something else. She paused when she heard footsteps.

"Cece, is that you? I need help."

"Not Cece, but happy to help."

Jess looked up to see Nick standing in her doorway. Of course. She glanced down at the frilly pink dress draped over her body, immediately feeling self-conscious, and she tossed it aside.

"Oh, is this some kind of lady fashion emergency?" Nick asked. "Can't say that's my forte. I could get Reagan if you want."

"No, it's fine. It's just…" She wrestled with her thoughts for a moment, an internal struggle over how much she should reveal to him. Finally, she said, "I'm taking Robby out for a special date tonight, and I want to look extra nice for him."

"Huh," Nick said. She picked up on the slight trepidation in his voice. "Well, you look great no matter what, so I wouldn't stress out about it too much."

Jess' heart fluttered. How was it even possible that every single time Nick paid her a compliment, she was reduced to a quivering mess of those warm, mushy feelings, the kind of feelings she should typically only feel when she was with Robby?

"So, what's the occasion?" Nick asked.

Jess turned back to her closet, where she resumed sifting through hangers. She purposely made sure to tread lightly with her response. "We've been dating exclusively for over a month now, and…tonight's the night we plan on…"

She hoped the silence would allow Nick to connect the dots himself, but when she glanced at him to gauge his reaction, his furrowed brows didn't particularly incite much confidence in the matter. That is, until his eyes widened.

 _"Oh._ You mean you two still haven't…"

Heat rose to Jess' face. She shoved aside a hanger, but alas, she'd reached the back of her closet. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. She turned back in time to catch a newly energized look on Nick's face, one filled with mirth, which made her do a double take. What on earth was _that_ look for?

"Geez, Miller, you don't need to look so dang happy about it."

He blinked, the physical signs of joy already crumbling from his features. "What?"

"Your eyes just lit up like a big, neon strip club sign."

"That is a crass comparison."

"Well, that's what it looked like."

"Sounds like an exaggeration."

"It's not. You're happy I haven't slept with Robby yet."

 _"What?_ That is so—why the hell would it matter to me what you have or haven't done with your boyfriend? It sounds a lot like you want me to care, Jessica."

 _"What?_ Why would I _want_ you to care?"

"You tell me."

Jess said nothing, the two of them now staring at each other with a heated intensity. For a moment, it felt like when she'd first moved in, back when they'd get into arguments over the smallest of things, all because the thickening sexual tension between them was so palpable it was hard to even think straight. She wondered if he felt it, too, but to go down that rabbit hole was something she couldn't will herself to do.

"I—I don't know," she said, the weakest response she could possibly muster, yet it was all she could bring herself to say. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Nick said. "Have fun tonight."

"Thanks."

He left, at which point Jess caught her reflection in the mirror and stared at herself as her emotions stirred. Little did she know, Nick was now standing in the hallway, burying his face in his hands as fire prickled beneath his skin because, surprise, surprise, _he did care_ , and oh, man, was he screwed.

* * *

"I finished another chapter of your novel."

Nick turned from his desk, realizing he'd been sitting there, spaced out, trying _not_ to think about Jess and Robby and whether they were or weren't doing dirty things to and with each other.

"Yeah? What'd you think?"

"It was…good," Reagan said.

Nick pursed his lips. "You sure?"

Reagan scratched the back of her head, shrugging. "If I'm being honest, I don't really… _get_ Julius Pepperwood."

"You don't _get_ Pepperwood?" Nick said. "In what way? Is his motivation not clear?"

"No, it is."

"Is it his backstory? Is he not fleshed out enough?"

"No, Nick," Reagan said. "It's nothing like that. I get why the reader is supposed to root for him, but I personally don't connect with the character at all."

Nick's shoulders sank. "Oh."

"I'm sorry," Reagan said. "I don't want to sit here and criticize your work." She looked down, running her palm along the thick manuscript. "I know you've put your heart into this book, and it is a great story, don't get me wrong, but…I don't know. Maybe I'm not the right audience for it."

Nick sat there, watching her, but she kept her gaze down. He thought about asking her to clarify, but he knew it wouldn't really matter even if she did. There was a rift between them, and it was only widening.

"Hey, Reagan, why are you with me?"

He hadn't meant to blurt it out, but he couldn't help it. She glanced up, her normally calculating eyes now softening, showing a fleeting crack in her otherwise hardened exterior. It was the first time he'd ever seen her caught off guard, but she was quick to return to her steely demeanor, shrugging again.

"You're funny and sweet and…really weird, but in a good way. I've never dated anyone like you before. You fought for me to be in your group of friends. I've never really had anyone in my life who's cared about me that much. I've never really… _allowed_ anyone to care about me that much. You got to me."

She smiled tightly, dropping her gaze once more. He could sense her vulnerability, as he knew how difficult it was for her to let her guard down. Maybe that was why she rarely let people in to begin with. It was easier not to get hurt that way.

"I think it's only fair now that I ask you the same thing," Reagan said, and she looked him in the eyes. "Why are you with me, Nick? Besides the physical aspect."

Nick's chest sank with a disheartening exhale. He thought for a moment, and said, "You're really smart. You're one of the most confident people I've ever met. You don't take crap from anybody. You just tell things like it is. I like that a lot."

"Do you?" Reagan asked, lifting a brow.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because, if I'm being completely candid, no BS, telling it like it is, it's clear to me that…"

She left the sentence hanging in the air, forcing Nick to ask, "What?"

"You're not over Jess."

A rippling current of panic shot through Nick so suddenly, so forcefully, he couldn't do anything but let out a fit of nervous laughter.

"That is _insane._ What the hell would make you think I'm—"

"Nick," Reagan said, her tone surprisingly gentle now, a striking chord of sympathy. "You can deny it all you want, but I want you to ask yourself one thing. Was that kiss you two shared really an accident, or was it more…accidentally on purpose?"

He didn't answer, but it didn't matter, as the silence was enough to confirm what they both already knew.

* * *

Jess returned to the loft later that night, wearing a sleek black dress. She shut the door and was about to tiptoe to her room, only to stagger to a halt when she saw Nick. He was sitting on the couch, the glow from the TV illuminating his face. He looked at her, and for a split-second, she forgot all about Robby.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Me?" Nick said. "What are _you_ doing here? I thought you'd be spending the night at your boyfriend's."

Jess' mouth fell open, but no sound came out.

"Hold on, let me guess," Nick said. "You told him you have to be up early tomorrow? Work stuff? Some lame, made-up excuse like that?"

Jess scoffed, folding her arms. "So what if I did? What the hell are you even trying to imply, anyway?"

"Nothing at all," Nick said. "I just think it's strange you're dating a guy you're not even sexually attracted to, is all."

Jess' jaw dropped. "That's none of your freaking business, Nick!"

"Tell me I'm wrong."

She stomped away without a response, storming into her room, where she plopped down on her bed and released an angry sigh. Her hamster was on his wheel, happily running, running, running. Just when things seemed to be going well with Robby, Nick had to get under her skin again. The worst part was that he was right, of course. She _had_ made up an excuse to avoid spending the night with Robby, and it was getting harder and harder to pretend that this relationship was going to last much longer. Robby was the sweetest guy in the world. He was like a giant stuffed teddy bear, both in stature and sentiment, and yet, she'd felt more fireworks in that one short kiss she'd shared with Nick compared to all the kisses she'd shared with Robby combined.

 _Damn you, Nick Miller._ She shut her eyes, forcing herself to admit the truth once and for all. _I'm so in love with you._

* * *

A week later, Reagan left for Denver. Her absence brought upon an immediate sense of worry for Jess, as she didn't know how Nick would feel about her leaving. She knocked on his bedroom door later that day, sauntering into his room with a stack of papers. To her surprise, she found that he wasn't sulking, but instead typing away on his laptop. He paused when he saw her, giving her a grin.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Jess said. "I finished reading your book, and I gotta say, it is some grade A literature."

Nick's smile widened. "Yeah?"

"I've got some notes," Jess said. "Just little thoughts here and there for you to mull over, some what-if scenarios to explore, that kind of stuff."

Nick accepted the papers, flipping through them. "Wow, this is awesome. Thank you, Jess."

"Love that Pepperwood. He feels so real, you know?" Jess said. "Anyway, I'll skedaddle, let you get back to work. But, seriously, Nick, great job so far. I'm really proud of you."

After she left, Nick sat there for a few moments, skimming the notes she'd written. She'd actually taken the time to not only read through his entire manuscript, but provide him with notes to help improve it. She was always so caring like that. It was one of the many things he…

Leaving the papers at his desk, he got up and rushed out of the room, catching Jess as she was crossing the living room.

"Hey, Jess?"

She stopped, turning around to face him. Before he could say anything else, the door opened, and in walked none other than Robby, holding a shopping bag.

"Hey," he said. "Your door was open. How convenient was that?"

Nick's tone was grating as he clenched his hands and forced a big smile. "So, _so_ convenient."

"Robby," Jess said. "I thought you'd be…"

"I know, but I just had to stop by to give you these," he said, reaching into the shopping bag. "They're macarons. You guys gotta try them."

"Oh, sure, this is obviously the perfect time for that!" Nick said. In his rising exasperation, he grabbed the box, tore it open and popped a macaron into his mouth. "Wow, these are _scrumptious,_ and I've literally never used that word before in my _life."_

His anger peaked and, with no other way to escape, he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

"Nick!" Jess rushed over and opened the door to find him at the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button. "Where are you going?"

"To get some milk!" he said through a mouthful of macaron.

The second the elevator doors opened, he was gone, leaving Jess to stare out at the empty hallway. Beside her, Robby hummed.

"That's too bad," he said, reaching into the shopping bag and pulling out a carton. "I brought milk."

* * *

By the time Nick reached the lobby and walked outside, he'd already regretted his decision to flee the loft. The only bright side was that an aimless walk would be a good way to clear his head and figure out what he was going to say when he saw Jess again. Of course, had Robby not shown up, he would've gotten to ask her what he'd been dying to know for a while now, but perhaps that interruption from Robby was the answer in itself.

"Nick, wait!"

Or not.

He turned to see Jess running towards him. She tripped, and he hurried after her, catching her in time before she could face plant into the ground. She panted as he gently steadied her to her feet. Without thinking, he brushed aside some of her hair, a small gesture, but an incredibly intimate one at that.

"I…have to tell you something," Jess said.

"I have to tell you something, too," Nick said. "I broke up with Reagan."

"I broke up with Robby," Jess said at the same time.

They both stopped. In unison, they asked, "Wait, what?"

"You broke up with Robby?" Nick asked. "Just now?"

"No," Jess said. "A few days ago."

"Wait," Nick said. "Then why the hell did he just stop by to give you macarons like he's your own personal delivery boy?"

"He still wants to be friends," Jess said. "Weird timing, I know. But, you broke up with Reagan? When?"

"Right before she left for Denver."

"Why?"

"Probably the same reason you broke up with Robby."

Jess' lips parted. She stared at him, without saying anything else, while Nick felt his courage restoring, prompting him to ask what he'd wanted to ask her earlier.

"Do you still have feelings for me, Jess?"

She expelled a breath, her eyes filling with tears. She smiled warmly at him and, at long last, gave him the answer he was waiting for by reaching up and kissing him flush on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back wholeheartedly, and when they parted for air, she had tears of happiness running down her cheeks.

"Nick," she said, her voice tender. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't good enough for me. Couldn't be further from the truth."

He accepted her apology by pulling her in again and kissing her like there was no tomorrow. It was a promise that, this time, they were in it forever.


End file.
